"What, like it's hard?"

Queen City Roller Girls - Alley Kats Rock! From the bottom to the top...for now.

2010-01-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

So, yeah, a bunch of women get together, strap on some quads and legally hit each other creating space and time for teammates to score points. I'll save that for the my TV show! More importantly, think about Suicide-girls-meets Betty page-meets-burlesque women in fishnets and thigh highs. Think 150lbs of fishnets and fury! That's roller derby.

The Alley Kats, a team I was drafted to this season as a member of the Queen City Roller Girls were winless in league play last year. That's not to say that they were a bad team...but they were an expansion team with more new players than any other team....by a calculation of 10-15 players! Well this year, we're still the team with the highest number of draft choices. We took 6 new players this year (myself included). The buzz around the derby community was that of low expectations. And to be honest, I love a great underdog story. Well, we kind of squashed that myth this past week with a commanding win over a traditionally strong Devil Dollies team. Here's the highlight reel. I'm not sure it's indicative of our performance as a team. But I'd like to think we're the Buffalo Sabres of QCRG: no superstars...just a bunch of really strong, talented, athletic skaters who play SMART!

OK, so I busted up myself pretty good two weeks before our first bout. I didn't even skate...but I can't help but think that I had a little part in our win, encouraging teammates and skating almost up until the bout, pushing my teammates to be faster, stronger and better players in the way I only knew how.

But pay no mind. This is my first official derby season. It rocks! I'm in better shape than I was playing college sports...and I'm 34! Admittedly, it take a lot longer to recuperate from injury and soreness but it's the most empowering activity I'm participated in in years!

Check us out at qcrg.net if you want to learn more about derby, buy tickets or just check out some pretty cool and bad ass chicks

Recognizing My Own Need for Improvement through Other People's Writing

2009-08-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

I follow a young man on Twitter. He is a journalist for the local newspaper. I've read his articles before and always found them to be sufficiently written or better. Unbenkownst to me, I tweeted about one of his articles and my utter dislike for it:

I didn't even connect the fact that I followed him to a particular article until it stood out glaringly.

I then received a msg from him asking for his input. Now this person could have ignored me or spouted some foul mouthed obsenities...and perhaps he did, but in the end, he asked for my input. I thought it pretty big of him. He follows me on Twirrer so, clearly he has some interest in what I've said in the past. And I follow him, so I've had an obvious interest in what he has to say as well. It's an unspoken and anonymous relationship of trust it seemed.

Something really great came of it...at least for me. Thus, the title of this blog entry.

Here is how I responded to his inquiry. Everything he wrote in his article is bolded so that you may follow along. Everything else is my message to him. Incidentally, I've not received any word abck from him and I don't expect to. But, hopefully you can see what evolved:

EMAIL STARTS HERE:

I've read your stuff before. I follow you on Twitter but this article was really disappointing. Youthful writing. Too youthful. I don't know how old you are but based on this, I would guess early 20's?

You're a reporter. You want people to believe what you write, then write it with strength. And if you aren't a foodie or consider yourself a bit of a culinary amateur (as indicative of your mention of your dinging companion), then ADMIT it and use the expertise of those around you-like the service staff. Bringing along a friend (and naming her is a fast way to get yourself ignored, especially if food writing is something you hope to do in the future (I heard Janice retired-thank god!). You totally destroy your credibility by using qualifiers like:
"something like"
"apparently" when referring to how the fries are cooked.
"just OK" to describe a dish lacking any what? flavor? seasoning? not to your personal liking?

Sentences are truncated where they can be condensed and qualified. It's a great lesson one of my Buff State professors taught me when I was there (way too long ago). And if all else fails, go matriculate a course by Janet Kaye. She will help you improve your writing in ONE semester!!! She's incredible, tough and asks a lot of her students. And she is the reason I love writing today. (think of each paragraph like Twitter. how can I get the most value out of every word, space and character!)

I know this is just my take but read it and see how you can make every word worth something:

First things first: Bury the lead! You already put it in the headline so tease it a little! I know this goes against every journalistic rule we've ever been taught, but do it anyway! Food writing allows for this. I wouldn't recommend it for news writing!

ARTICLE STARTS HERE:

There’s been a buzz surrounding the 31 Club since it opened. Friends spoke of celebrity sightings at the swanky downtown restaurant, TV personalities and athletes and the like. It had a reputation of a place where people went dressed to the nines to eat good food and to see and be seen.

Calling people celebrities in this town is a term to be used loosely. "Local personalities" is probably a better descriptor.

The 31 Club is in a building with a long history, recently fixed up, at North Johnson Park and Elmwood Avenue. It’s on an island of sorts near Hutch Tech and the new Avant building. The parking lot was filled with luxury cars, a clue to the kind of crowd we’d find inside.

Tell people about the history of the 31 Club. Give them some more than just a curiosity. This was posted online so why not put a link to the 31club's history page to satiate people's curiosity if you're going to tease it in the first place. Regarding your comment on "luxury cars". You can scare away potential diners and probably piss off the staff with a comment like this. For the diner who can't afford eating there regularly, you've already scared them away from even thinking about it as an option, it's a great "date or special occasion place". Besides, it may be a little on the pricier side, but it's a hell of a lot better place to eat than Black and Blue or Buffalo Chop House and the prices are comparable...with a more diverse menu for people's palates.

The interior aimed for sophistication and elegance. There was a lot of dark wood in the bar area, set off by soft lights. The bar top was marble with a speckled pattern, and the bar seats were pale red leather.

Think about rewriting this sentence. You get to be more colorful with this kind of writing. Enjoy it!: "Deeply stained wood, soft lighting, plush surfaces, and rich red leather provide an elegant and sophisticated welcome." Also, the bar is granite. If you aren't sure of a surface, ASK!

We heard lots of Sinatra and other classic crooners—songs to drink martinis by.

Never end a sentice with "by".

The bar was modestly crowded when we grabbed two chairs and took a look at the wine and cocktail menus. The bartender took awhile to come back to us. My friend Lauren thought there was at least one decent wine by the glass per type. She ordered a fruity Shiraz at $10 for the glass.

"Two stools in the modestly crowded bar served as our base, to review the wine and beverage list. Though service was delayed, my dining companion commented on the diversity of the wines listed by the glass." Shiraz by definition is not typically described as "fruity". Tread lightly with regard to writing about wine unless you really start to study it. It can offend foodies and winos and insult, as well as detract from your credibility. Also "She ordered the $10 Shiraz." is sufficient. People who drink wine will know this is the "by the glass price. And wine lists only generally offer one varietal by the glass. Unless you are in a wine bar. And don't EVER use your dining companion's name ever again. If she knows anyone in the service industry, it can get you blackballed as a food writer ever again.

There was a star on the wine glasses to indicate how much the bartenders should pour, one explained to us.

It is an industry standard to pour 6 ounces of wine for a "glass". The markers on the glass are for staff use and inconsequential to a diner. I suspect you asked the staff what the marking on the glass was for. A smart service industry worked would have shared that information with you. It's a great opportunity to gently inform a diner, give them knowledge and teh confidence the next time they may feel weary of a place that may appear intimidating. Again, this detracts from your credibility and knowledge as an expert. Even if you aren't...sometimes you gotta fake it. People want credibililty from their journalists.

There were about a dozen cocktails on the martini list, including a pama-tini, a tropical storm and something called sparkling berries, all $9.50. I went for a “31” martini, with Bombay Sapphire gin and a blue-cheese stuffed olive, which was well made.

"An extensive martini list included a Pama-tini (I'm guessing this was the ever popular trend of using pomegranate in drinks lately!), a Tropical Storm, Sparkling Berries and a host of other diverse drinks many traditionalists would be remiss to call "martinis". I opted for a very traditional Gin Martini with bleu cheese stuffed olives, affectionately named the "31"." They didn't make this drink up. They just chosen it as their adoptive signature drink...likely an homage to the traditional.

Everyone was drinking cocktails, or mixed drinks, except one guy drinking beer who looked out of place.

No one cares about the out of place guy. There's always one in these places. Again, unimportant to the story you want to weave for food writing. Something more casual like, "Cocktails (which incidentally ARE mixed drinks) and martinis appeared to be the general preference for this crowd." is more appropriate and respectful to the guests. And ALWAYS use descriptors like guests or diners. "guy", "lady", "grey hair": Always a bad idea to use.

We took a look at the menu and I ordered the duck fries on Lauren’s recommendation. They’re apparently cooked in duck fat, dusted with black truffle salt and served with grilled onion ketchup. They were served in a paper cone, for $7, and were really good.

"Fries cooked in duck fast, dusted with black truffle salt, and the accompanying grilled onion catsup arrived in a quirky paper cone." They were "really good"? How? Were they rich, salty, nicely balanced flavors of acidic catcup and the fat base of the frying oil? How were they "good"?

The beef carpaccio, served with a poached egg, was $12 and just OK.On an earlier, unofficial visit, I tried the cheese plate with fig jam and that was great.

"Just ok"? What was it lacking? Flavor, seasoning, balance? Was the beef not high enough grade for carpaccio? Is this a new dish to your palate? Did it come with cornichons or ground mustard or any other acid? If not, I can see why it was just OK. But you NEED to say why it was just OK! It probaby lacked an acid. Food is all about chemistry. We dont' even realize it until we put that chocolate covered pretzel in our mouth and realize the flavors of salty and sweet together awaken our palates to a higher level of enjoyment. That's why that pretzel tastes so unbeleivable! If the cheese plate was that great, find out what was on it. I can guess it was a firm cheese, a softer one, and a more pungent cheese trio. I've never had it but if I know anything about the chef, and I know he's a CIA grad, then I know he knows how to put a great cheese plate together. Elaborate on the great stuff. Awaken people's palates wtih your words. Writing about food is almost as improtant as serving it. Think about what the first thing a woman does after she gives birth. She feeds her child. It is the most nurturing, bonding, and often times in adulthood, the SEXiest thing you can do. Why do you think a great date usually ends at breakfast! :)

As we ate our appetizers, we watched the wait staff coming and going through the bar area to get to the kitchen.

Why is this important? Does it incite a curiosity about what's passing you by on the plates? Was it an inconviencence to you to have so much foot traffic passing? Is this a cautionary warning? Which is it? You don't have to be objective in this forum. Tell people how it made you feel. They will identify and either decide they want to be a part of that energy or they will decide that they know to avoid that particualr seating situation. Either way, you've given them information that can be helpful.

The bar crowd was mostly older white males, 60-plus, with a few middle-aged couples as well. We were the youngest people by far when we arrived, except for a large and talkative table of what appeared to be a business group.

"older white males, 60-plus" How about "mature professionals". I may sound like an asshole here, but we all know that 50% of black males are unemployed in the City of Buffalo ( this is a whole different problem which I could dedicate an entire blog to), but the implication of mature professionals already indicates that they are white (sadly).

Except for one guy who was a dead ringer for Sabres President Larry Quinn, everyone was dressed up in suits or sport jackets and dresses or skirts.

It probably was Larry, but most people don't care or would be interested in knocking the guy out so why bother help creating a hostile envorment at a well dressed place. Which leades me to my next criticism: "well dressed" covers the gamut of what you've tried to describe.

The bar got dead around 7 p. m. or so, then the crowd picked up again by 8 and it got a bit younger. Lauren ran into a former student of hers, and they started talking shop.

"got dead"? REALLY? If you DON'T want people to go here, use that phrase again. If you want to piss off the staff use that phrase again. How about something more friendly: "After a brief clearing of the earlier dinner crowd, a slightly younger clientele replenished the dining and bar area." = Polite way of saying the blue hairs dispersed to make way for the younger hipster crowd.

I couldn’t finish my fries, so I asked them to pack them to go. Someone in the kitchen threw them out, so the bartender had them make up a new half order.

You went back to the fries here? Why not include this with part of your food and service assessment earlier in the article? What's more important here is that the service staff was attentive and thoughtful enough to have the kitchen correct the mistake. Give them more credit for this rather than mention it as an after thought.

As we settled our bill, Lauren’s student and her boyfriend said they wanted to grab our now-valuable spot of bar real estate when we got up to go.

"As the hipster crowd thickened, our valuable real estate at the bar increased." Include this with the bit about the changing clientele at the dinner change over. It's really an extension of that thought. Again, no one cares who your dining companion is or her name or the fact that her student and her boyfriend wanted your spot.

The bar was crowded with well-dressed people, holding glasses filled with tinkling ice and good booze. It was a moment that showed the 31 Club at its best, but it took too long to get there.

"good booze"? how aboutu "top shelf" or sophisticated or marture drinks. This isn't your $5, all you can drink kind of place.

I’ll be back, but now I know to come later in the evening or to wait for the weekend.

ARTICLE ENDS HERE WITH MY COMMENTS INTERSPERSED.

So you've implied throughout your article that you've have a good enough time to want to come back. And you've also indicated that you're part of the younger hipster crowd-since you took enough time to delineate the clientele change at a certain point in the evening. I don't know how old you are but I can guess from the article. I can tell you aren't all that expereienced with some more sophisiticated dining items, but you were willing to try! Use your resources. Check your resources if you aren't sure! Build your credibility. Speak with conviction. Have someone who knows things you don't read it before you publish it. It can only help you build yourself and improve yourself as a writer and "expert" in many areas. It doesn't really matter that you aren't, but you WANT your readers to believe that you are. Avoid the unsure qualifiers.

My hope is that you've truly found this helpful. It was actually very helpful to me also. It makes me think about my writing and how I can improve it as well. Thanks for asking for my input. I'm sure it was too much but maybe some of it will help. I know that whenever people have really broken down my writing, after I sweep up my brusied ego, (THANK YOU SO MUCH JANET KAYE!) it's only made me a better writer!
Newspapers are a dying breed. We all know that :-( I want to you succeed. And becoming a better writer, people will find you! You're lucky. You actually get paid to write. I just spout off whenever I want to and can. I admire you and your fortune. Good luck!

I guess I should tell you a little about myself. Might help my credibility a little too. I graduated from Buff State in 2000 with a journalism degree wtih a focus on broadcast production. Moved the PHX where I was a sports writer for a 10K circulation paper called the Desert Advocate for a short time, while waiting tables on and off for 10 years. Ended my culinary career working with a James Beard award winning chef where I learned more about food in the last two years than the previous 8 in the restaurant business. Then moved to LA for the last two years. Worked as a corp trainer and publisher of techncal IT training books but continue to write for fun. Now back in my hometown since January. Selling appellate publishing to attorneys and studying for the LSAT. And most importantly...my last great dinner date ended with breakfast! :)

Best,

Melania Kosanovich

EMAIL ENDS HERE

CAn you tell what I've learned?!

Happy writing fellow writers!

The Freakonomics of internet dating

2009-05-20T20:22:00.001-07:00

I'm not economist. Nor am I a numbers gal...but this ought to be fun and thought provoking.

Coming Soon!

Why the corn lobby is Bullshit

2009-05-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

and why alt forms of ethanol fuel should be looked at in addition to wind, solar, nuclear and hydrogen fuels.

including my simple theory on the Earth's lubrication and burping and how if we deplete oilthat lubes it up...we're all screwed

Coming soon!

Coming Soon The honest Boss conversation

2009-05-20T20:17:00.001-07:00

Why we all know that it's highly unlikely the job we choose to accept will not be our end game goal.

And

Why you should have an open and honest dialogue about your intentions from day 1.

I know! It sounds like a crazy idea but I'll share with you the conversation my boss initiated and why I'm so incredibly grateful and see his skill as an incredible asset of courage and realism to have this conversation.

COMING soon!

Forget your watch or any other time piece when dealing with gov't Offices

2009-04-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

I actually drafted this blog before I found my job but I still feel it holds true. So, I'll complete my thoughts post Hiring!

WRITTEN PRIOR TO JAN 12
Recession finally hits region my arse.

http://www.buffalonews.com/businesstoday/businessfinance/story/515912.html.

It's fascinating to me that one author can take a bunch of statistics, skew the perception of those numbers and say ...finally, the effects of the recessions are being felt in Buffalo. Buffalo never left the doldrums that quickly followed the boom town days of industry and manufacturing. A quick review of census statistics shows me that Erie country population numbers have decreased from in 1970 (pop. 1,113,491), to 1980 (pop. 1,015,472) to 1990 (pop. 965,532) to 2000 (pop. 950,265). I'm not one to lean on statistics because they can be manipulated in so many ways. But, one thing is clear. It's stands to reason that we should be losing jobs continuously. If we continue to lose people, we don't need as many people working to support our education, infrastructure, retail and manufacturing businesses.

As I'm faced with the prospect of looking for a job, I'm now facing a larger pool of competition. It's daunting enough to consider that I may be faced with lining up the department of economic security (yes I said it-the welfare line, it's a real possibility!) with 5.7% of the rest of the city. I continue to look for a job and will likely take something that I'm either overqualified for, or will be paid barely a living wage. I need to save money for school, since it's likely loans and grant will be come more scarce.

WRITTEN POST HIRING:
SO I've now got a job with an appellate publishing company. (that's just code for we make fancy copies with specific parameters...for attorneys - we do some other stuff too but not really glamorous-though it's familiarizing me with legal processes, so I consider it a useful job for me, and I actually really like the person I work for. We both know we're not curing cancer but providing competent service for people who need it.)

One of the daily exercises established for my job requires me to go to the County Clerk's office to look up complaints. Prior to being able to get copies, I needed set up an escrow account, so that I may copy paperwork when necessary with that account as our bank.

Upon discussing my needs with a manager in the records area, I was directed to the customer service department across the hallway. It was approximately 3:45 (late in the day by state employee standards) when I approached the customer service desk. I then waited...for seven minutes...while the woman at the window gabbed away on a personal call while I stood approximately 7 feet from here, where the clearly designated area existed. She made no effort to end her phone call in a timely manner, even though she was fully aware of my presence. I waited politely. Have you ever waited around for seven minutes? Go ahead, stand in the same spot, watching your watch for that amount of time. You tired or climbing out of your skin yet?

Oh, BUT I did learn what she was having for dinner, where to purchase it at the best price and who was joining her for the dinner, who the family was prepared to gossip about and criticize for their unskilled parenting skills and various other clucking one may hear from the busy body auntie of each family! You'd think homegirl would have given me an invitation to her colonoscopy after learning all that in seven minutes. Although from the looks of it, her colon hasn't seen much pass through it, given the three hundred pound ASS attached to the rest of her body. Did I mention they were having Pizza and wings for dinner? SHOCKER, right?

After seven minutes of waiting, my business with her lasted all of 15 seconds...if that! She redirected me for now a third time, to the Clerk's windows. By now, it was 3:54pm. I made the 10 yard trek from said Customer Service (that term is used loosely) Window, to the Clerk's Cashier's Window. I waited another three minutes. No one on line here either. Oh, and six people sitting at windows doing what? Not a damn thing. Well, two of the ladies (cause they certainly didn't look like girls, however the subject of the next part of this sentence would seem to indicate they should have been) were talking about where their seats were for the upcoming New Kids On the Block Show. (I admit it, I did go seen Danny, Donnie, Joe, John and Jordan once upon a time...in the eighth grade!) Ladies your on the downside of your thirties...if not on the questionably evident upside of your forties! Shouldn't you be going to a Clay Aiken show?

After my three minute wait, my business with this third window took all of 15 seconds...again! I was asked to wait yet again, for what would be my fourth encounter with a human to accomplish the original task.

FINALLY! I can feel the crescendo of relief, as I'm feeling I'm almost done. I meet Tom* He sets up my account! It probably took about 15 more minutes, but by now, I've resigned myself to throw out any time telling piece when entering a government office in the future (I'm considering checking my brain out the next time I come to this building as well, since I can feel the grey matter being sucked into its abyss). I pull out the check to set up the account balance. Oh NO, at ease in the harness there Jumper!! Wait, he does nothing other than set up the account! I need to go back to the cashier's window.

I'm now ready to go postal on some dumb ass NKOTB ticket-toting fat-ass union-protected bitch who refuses to use a computer because "it's not part of her job description and union re-negotiation would be required" to FORCE these minions to use modern day technology. And that just isn't cost efficient so the city decides to keep these knuckle draggin' excuses for homo sapiens on staff rather than fight a potential labor law case or the union. Bitch, how long have you had this job! And what century are you living in that you can't use a computer? So, I now have to wait for someone to HELP her process my transaction.

So there you have it. Six stops to accomplish one task. Union protected fucktards, unqualified by modern day standards in the REAL WORLD! I gave you the declining numbers on our city's population. I gave you anecdotal evidence as to the little need there is for all of the people who "assisted" me. And this is my welcome back to the employment world in Buffalo! Aww, it's so good to be home :D Oh...I think I got out of the building by about 4:45pm.

Lazy Media - ARGH!

2008-12-17T14:21:00.000-08:00

I’ve been debating on whether I should write about this in my blog and I was stalling a little to see if there might be some follow up information to this story. Alas, that is part of the inherent problem! Here’s a link to the story with more holes than Swiss cheese in it if you care to read first: Man shot in Bentley dies

A 25 year old guy name Jose Luis Macias, whose has been listed as a resident of East los Angeles, was driving along a stretch of the 110 freeway, in (here’s the kicker) a silver Bentley Continental, when the car was pierced with multiple gun shots. It’s reported that he has since died as a result of injuries sustained in the shooting.

Here’s the where I’m curious, confused, skeptical, suspicious and critical all at the same time. So, little is known on this Macias kid. I refer affectionately to him as a kid because how many 25 year old people have you ever seen driving around in a Bentley. Sure, I drive through Bev Hills everyday on my commute to and fro work. But the peeps I see driving around in them are presidents of banks and wealthy old Hollywood producers and actors or just really wealthy Persians who made a killing on buying up and historically over inflating the real estate prices in BH (but that’s a whole different Freakonomics blog for a different day).

The only 25 year old I’ve ever seen driving a Bentley was Stephan Marbury when he was a Phoenix Sun a few years back and that’s just because I was new to town and there are an overwhelming number of luxury cars I’d just never seen in the flesh, being a young lass raised in Buffalo NY (for the record; luxury cars don’t do well in places like BUF. And I don’t know anyone wealthy enough in the WNY area to drive a Bentley, with the exception of perhaps a Sabre or Bill or owner of said teams…or maybe the Sorrento family). So, a 25 year old Hispanic male driving a 100K car? These are my people people! We like $3000 cars with $8K worth of accessories on ‘em-think tricked out Honda Civic with DeLorean style doors! We like old 70’s Caddies with White wall tires if we’re talking luxury vehicles (sorry Uncle Pete, we begged you not to drop us off in that beaner mobile for basketball practice daily!). Yeah I said it! And, we can fit our entire family in those things far easier than in a mini van. Plus there’s a nice little cargo hold where immigration can’t see people….it’s called a trunk people! No one’s goin to find long lost cousin Eusebio in the trunk amongst the gallon jugs of Mexican vanilla and blankets we’re taking back through Nogales!

Back to the Bentley. Reports show that the car was recently purchased from Dream Motors Cars in Beverly Hills. The name of the owner is not being released to the public. Nothing is known about the driver – what we can’t even find a myspace or facebook page on this guy? We don’t know why he was driving the car. It’s not likely that someone residing in East LA would own the car (I make this statement solely based on a Freakonomics perspective), since the median income is $28,544 (according to recent census numbers). So, who does the car belong to? Why was he driving it? Why was he in the neighborhood he was in (incidentally East LA is a mile or two from where he was. The more likely neighborhood where a car like that might belong is about 12 miles west of his location; it’s also where the car was purchased)? I have more questions now than before the story ran.

The media hasn’t done its job in gathering facts and back story. Reporters have become lazy. They don’t want to dig. They don’t want to ask the difficult questions. Stories like this drive me crazy. Because it’s likely we’ll see little follow up. Perhaps it’s just my curiosity that leads me to wonder about additional facts of this story however, it’s a great example of lazy journalism. It’s pervasive through out media outlets nationwide. Don’t believe me? Here are a few more examples where there is more missing than present. ANd these are just from today!:
Driver attacked while waiting at Red Light - just plain old laziness – there’s nothing here. This is a non story.
Super Market denies customer service – will not write Adolf Hitler on cake – how come nobody has the cojones to call this jackass anit-Semetic or question him as to why his kids are named what they are?-look at his kids names! ARGH!
Suspect cop is engaged…again – how come nobody bothered to look into snooping around about this poor naïve 23 year old girl and what the hell is her name?

I'm sure I could find some stuff about a hedge fund manager...(but I have a date with a hot one later, so I'm not going ot screw that up until AFTER my dinner at Mastro's - a girl's gotta eat), a stupid hocky player saying something even dumber than teh IQ embroidered on his sweater (yes, people they are called sweaters) , the crazy weather in LA or any other seemingly innocuous topic, but this is all I had time for!

Seriously people. LAZY!!!

Where parental instinct to protect and the law collide - mental health reform vs ineffective legistlation

2008-12-12T10:30:00.001-08:00

I’ve read and seen and heard law is reason without passion. While I believe that, it is often that very passion that incites people to practice law. (Well, that and the modicum of security a law degree and a card carrying bar holder have, along with a fairly decent pay check.- Sorry, tangent!) I am the mother of a BEE-YOU-Tee-FUL 4 year old. No, I mean, he's really beautiful. But it's not just that he's beautiful on the outside. More importantly, he's truly a kind little soul, who is sensitive and friendly and open.

Now, the first parts of these statements make me proud, in a narcissistic way. And I'd like to think that we're a pretty attractive lot. It's the second part that scares the hell out of me. It’s the intangible beauty in him. He's open and kind and approachable. This is where, in the worst of predatorial situations, he could become a victim. I know, you are all saying I'm being paranoid and thinking the worst. But the worst is out there:

http://www.buffalonews.com/home/story/520709.html

I’m torn between the rights of the criminal individual and the rights of sociatally normal people, who are should be able to live in a seemingly safe environment. Currently legislation exists in New York State allowing the state to impose additional confinement on sexual predators beyond the time they serve in a traditional prison environment. Essentially, as it stands, the state is authorized to hold a person on a permanent 5150 hold (I’m sure there’s a more appropriate term for this confinement but it’s simplest and most relatable term I could muster this morning) since these offenders are considered to be an on-going danger to their communities.

IF we’ve determined sex offenders to be a danger to themselves or others, as with any other person with a profound mental illness, institutionalization is expected. That’s the mom in me talking. However, if a person has “paid his debt to society”, it would stand to reason that a person should be released into our communities.

I support rehabilitation, however I question our methods. And can a person, whose brain isn’t chemically wired the way most of us are, be “rehabilitated”? It’s not a matter of law that we should examine but rather an issue of mental health. Sure the law is intended to protect us individually and as a whole. But issues of mental health problems are so prevalent amongst our nation’s criminals that I question whether putting humans into 6x9 cells is truly any kind of rehabilitation.

The Protective maternal instinct in me says hog tie these people and inject them with histamines as punishment for the damage they do, often to our children. (Yeah, yeah, I know, cruel and unusual). The advocate in me says a great deal of reform and approach to mental health care is required for rehab to even be possible, if it is at all. And for now, all we have is the law to help guide us into integrating this people back into whatever we deem societally appropriate for this subset of people.

I look forward to these discussions in the coming few years. And at some point, I may be asked to argue the opposite of the way my heart and gut tell me as a matter of exercise. Just some intense thought born of an article appearing on good ole buffalo.com and the sex offenders in NY.

For Snakebite and anyone else to wax nostalgic

2008-12-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

OK here's the deal, when I was in college my friends and I would spend our free time in the TV studio rediscovering the old episodes of Saved By the Bell. If your within 5 years, plus or minus my age, you will know that you either wanted to be Kelly Kapowski, you wanted to sleep with her or you were just really stoned or bored cathing up with the Bayside kids and Mr, Belding in syndication!!

A.C. Slater Facts
We've all heard of the Chuck Norris facts, about how the Chuckster "Does not love Raymond" and how he can "blow bubbles with beef jerky." But no one knows about all the things the Saved by the Bell jock, A.C. Slater can do..... until now.... -

There's only 3 things A.C. Slater likes. 1. Women, 2. Sports, 3. Putting nerds in lockers at
Bayside High.- If you open A.C. Slater's locker at Bayside High you'll find the mummified corpses of over a million nerds, dorks, dweebs, preppies, and teachers.- If there is a sport that Slater isn't any good at, it must not be a sport. And Slater doesn't consider Cheerleading to be a sport. But he does consider cheerleaders to be "Hot Mamas."-

A.C. Slater was never Saved by the Bell, they named the show that because there's only so many nerds that can be thrown into a locker until gym class started.
- You're not allowed to call him A.C. Slater. You can call him Ace, or The Slate.
- Sometimes A.C. Slater plays guitar and calls himself Esteban.
- A.C. Slater invented students having sex with their teachers.
- Slater put the "AC" in "aphrodisiac."
- A.C. Slater doesn't have dimples. Those were dents of anger. If you ever were unfortunate to see those dimples in person, you were quickly and violently thrown in a locker.
- Slater eats live rifle rounds for breakfast.
- Slater once had an opportunity to recieve Spider-Man's alien symbiote suit. Instead, A.C. Slater shoved it in a locker.
- A.C. Slater's heroes consist solely of dead soldiers of WWI, WWII, and 'Nam.
- Mario Lopez is Slater's mild mannered alter ego.
- Super Mario Brothers were created in A.C.'s alter ego's image.
- The reason people never see ninjas is because Slater shoved them all in lockers at Bayside High.
- Someone once took a drop of A.C. Slater's sweat and put it on a tiny blue stone, this was the birth of Viagra.
- Slater always kept a clean shaven face because hair doesn't grow on granite.
- Valley, Bayside's rival school, never really existed except during the first Season of Saved by the Bell. They just mention it so much to cover up the fact that A.C. Slater's dimples killed it.
- Slater put the "AC" in "Ejaculation."
- A.C. Slater's nipples are made of leather.
- Before he went to Bayside High, A.C. Slater work as a stunt double for Hulk Hogan.
- A.C. Slater had a pet chameleon named Artie that died while in Zack's care in the first season. Every Zack Morris segment for the rest of Saved by the Bell's episodes had to have dramatic special effects to make it seem like Zack's face wasn't crushed by a baseball bat.
- Slater calls Zack Morris preppy because he can.
- A.C. Slater's favorite type of porn? Obituaries.
- A.C. Slater's dimples weren't there since birth. Two meteors fell from space hitting A.C. Slater on opposite sides of the face. Those meteors are now stuck in a locker at Bayside High.
- Slater can eat thunder and crap world peace.
- A.C. Slater was the only student in Bayside History to record two A++++++++ grades on his report card. They were for Gym Class and War History.
- Justin Timberlake asked A.C. Slater for advice on how to bring sexy back.
- The makers of the Rambo movie series didn't come up with the idea. They traveled several years into the future and spotted A.C. Slater at Bayside High playing lacrosse. Luckily A.C. Slater liked the movies, if not, Sylvester Stallone would be stuck in a locker at Bayside High.
- A.C. Slater is the number that comes after infinity.
- Jessie Spano did Showgirls because A.C. Slater told her to. After the movie was done filming Slater dumped her for Gina Gershon.
- How did A.C. Slater get his powers? He was bitten by a radio active dimple.
- A.C. Slater took Jesse Spano's virginity... and shoved it in a locker.
- The music band "Gym Class Heroes" are hated by A.C. Slater for making money off Slater's middle name.
- Saved by the Bell was orginally called "Good Morning Miss Bliss" and set in Indiana. Slater didn't like Indiana so he single handedly moved the school to California, changed its name to Bayside high, and fired Miss Bliss.
- A.C. Slater has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
- Many people wonder how A.C. Slater gets that great tan year round. It's simple, Slater goes to his neighbor's fake bake shop every other day to tan on her tanning bed... while it's on fire.
- A.C. Slater's dimples don't have a mind of their own, but, Slater's mind has dimples of its own.
- Before A.C. Slater grew his dimples, he was known as Erik Estrada and starred in porn.
- The Saved by the Bell hangout known as "The Max" used to be called "The Low Intensity." But then A.C. Slater started going there.
- There's a rumor that A.C. Slater will take over as the host of Price is Right after Drew Carey retires. If so, there will be only one game: Shove the dork in the Locker.
- Slater put the "AC" in "Deadly Automobile Accident"
- When A.C. Slater and Zack Morris first met they were battling over Kelly Kapowski. The only reason Kelly went with Zack is because she's allergic to manly...and homosexuals. Maybe not allergic but you get the idea!

What, like it's hard?

2008-12-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

SO, I've joined the "blogoshpere". Yeah I know, I'm later than Michelle Duggar's last period. Wait, did the blogosphere even exist 17 children ago? Hmmm...I'll have to look that up. I suppose, as to enitce or incite any further curiosity here is a perview of what to possibly expect from me in the not so near or distant future:

The prospect of moving back to Buffalo is a tough and touchy situation. Looking for a job is becoming comical. I'm thinking of the humiliation and hilarity of the prospect of a college educated white (OK and Hispanic, though I don't look it), formerly gainfully employed person that I am, joining the nearly 50-plus % of Black men of the city of Buffalo, in line at the public assistance offices. Yes, this is a real possibility.

My cross country drive with my gal pal Cari will provide some interesting comedy about the toothless and shoeless of the middle earth area of the country. Stay tuned for that thread.

Here's the big one...at least for now: the differences and likenesses (there are for more htan you realize) of living in big ole LA versus going back to Buffalo. I'm sure Buffalo has the $100+ denim, Ed Hardy donning, Captian Douche Bags (copyright given to Mr Louis Bustamante on this title!) trolling around looking for easy to target college girls to slip some roofies. Maybe just not in as much abundance as LA.

I suppose the Sabres and Bills, and Bulls will become a more active part of my exisitence, though with potential welfare support looming, I'm likely to only encounter the silly boys of winter on Television or if I'm scamming a free drink at Mother's or any drinking establishment deemed cool enough for them to hang out at. Crap, and I used to babysit for some of the old ranks!

My Personal Favorite: I have an penchant for coming up with reidiculous band names, particularly when I've been out to dinner and drinks with my friends, mid sentence, a phrase will likely evolve and be plucked from obscurity to form the next great imaginary Grammy nominated rock band. Shit the Foos and the Goos really exist. Who's to say "Runaway Lipstick" won't be opening for "HandGun Cozies" and "Residual Pussy" anytime soon?

More seriously: I experienced a great deal of legal trouble in the last four years. Courtesy of a Captain Douche Bag-like ex husband (who for the purposes of slander, shall remain nameless for the entirety of this blog). Look for posts on why parental alienation should be considered a criminal act. How the laws of bankruptcy and spousal resposibility should be re-examined for extraordinary circumstances. How sociopathy is one of the most difficult mental defects to idenitify. and a host of other interesting, sometimes intense but at times really laughable things you may find funny/intriguing/disturbing/entertianing/boring or otherwise illicit some kind of internal chemical reaction. Mostly I'm shooting fo rhumour. but iwht humour, a little of the opposite must be expereinced to truly enjoy the humourous.